No fancy editing. Just writing. Writing as a release if you will. Bear with me as I look to be a little transparent and throw life in the spotlight.
Mom has Alzheimer’s. It progressed faster than I have seen. She is withering away in a home. Hospice visits every day to care for her. Dad visits. I watch him smile and try to be strong for her. She gazes into his eyes, the only familiar eyes she sees. Her love for him, although unspoken, is clear.
I asked Dad how do you do it? We have all experienced a time in our life where that question is asked. We happen to be in such a season. How do I do it? Simple answer is we don’t. We don’t do it. Let me clarify. I can only talk from my perspective. I don’t do it. When I attempt to do so, I can barely peer through the salty water produced from the overwhelming grief I begin to feel. When I look to handle it alone, I retract to a world I do not want to occupy with anyone else. While there may not be anything wrong with a temporary stop in solitary, it is no place to dwell. They say misery likes company and there is nothing the enemy wants than the disciples of Jesus to be miserable. I am left miserable when it’s quiet and I lie in bed. How do I do it?
I have to realize that I cannot do it. I was not created to do life alone, nor was I created strong enough to a handle all life can throw at me. I have to come to a place of humility. As a follower of Christ, I know I need to look to His word. I must.
Otherwise, how can I do this? How can I look into those brown eyes that fade. How can I look at a mere skeleton of a woman who is my mom? This is the yoke I carry. The yoke is heavy. It is full of regrets. Why didn’t I come earlier? Why did I allow fear to keep me from coming? Why?
Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
As a pastor, I have preached this, referenced this in sermon and counseling sessions. Why do I have a hard time applying this? The first three words: “Come to me.” We must make the decision to come to Him. We have to admit, we cannot do it. In doing so, we admit our weakness and our failures. I feel shame at the thought of those failures and weaknesses.
For a long time I could compartmentalize those truths of weakness and failures while I preached or taught small groups. I had to come to a point to come to Him. I don’t know how this will progress or shape or affect my duties as shepherd. All I know is I have an unending need for Him and His yoke. I have to come to Him more than daily. I have to come to Him multiple times a day. As much as I want to, I cannot take my Dad’s yoke. He must go to Jesus too.
How do I do it? I don’t. He does. He carries me. His yoke is pulled through this mess of a life I am in. Jesus tells us to walk with Him through the mud of life. He is stating he can handle the weight and the work ahead, all we have to do is come to Him.
We learn from him every time we have to come back to him. Whether it’s four or 14 times a day, we must come to him. When we learn His way, we find rest for our souls. Man! I want that level of rest. I wish I can say I have it but not yet. I am still weary. I still feel weak when I see mom in that bed. I get emotional when I picture Dad on his own walking into that facility to visit mom.
The burden isn’t light. We like to hold onto it. I promised mom I would carry that burden of praying for her family. They may or may not see this. I may or may not catch some slack. I will carry the burden she had for her family. Mom prayed for each of us, often when we didn’t want it. If you are a sibling, child or grandchild of that sibling, know I will pray for you in the same way she did for us kids – our salvation. This is a burden I know my Lord will help me with…. as long as I come to Him.
So how do I do it? I come to Jesus because He is the only one who can.
Are you in a season of grief, burden, or weariness? It’s up to you to come to Him. I know it’s hard to do so. It was, and still is, for me.
Biblical Bacon 